ending…and reflecting on Psalm 150

Well, after two weeks of lament, Psalm 150 feels like an abrupt change. I found myself wanting to add an additional line – “Let the world in the midst of a pandemic praise the Lord”! But of course, that’s really what the psalms of lament are all about, that’s what I have been praying, right?!

Interesting how the psalm focuses on us praising G-d, our music and dance, instead of detailing G-d’s mighty acts. I appreciate that. Our human impulse is to make music and to dance, even in the midst of grief. As long as we have breath, we praise – praise love, relationships, creation, beauty, G-d…

I am aware also how much I have a tendency to read the psalms of lament as prescriptive and conditional. IF I praise G-d, THEN G-d will hear my lament and notice my predicament. But that is not what those psalms say. Instead, the psalmist proclaims, “The world is terrible. My life hurts. Pay attention, G-d of the universe, for you are in charge!” There is no condition. It is a statement of fact.

So too Psalm 150 is not conditional or prescriptive. It is descriptive. It is Simon & Garfunkel’s song “Feelin’ Groovy”! It is having a song come up on my playlist and I find myself singing along and dancing in the kitchen. It’s fireflies filling the driveway when I go to call the cats in, and sitting down in the dark to watch. It is those moments that happen even in lament, even in grief. That happen even as I am increasingly aware that I am aging and life is too short.

Psalm 150 is a brief burst of pure joy! It is like a toddler who laughs and laughs. In a moment all will change. In a moment I will feel hurt, abandoned, not know how to move ahead. But in this moment, while I have breath, I will dance.

I am not done lamenting. I will continue to cry to G-d. And G-d will hear. And whether or not I believe that in any given instance, I will proclaim it to be true, and I will praise.

Partway through these two weeks, one of my sisters reminded me of this song (thanks Tam!) It’s been in my head a lot as I pray. It seems like a good way to end this short public season of praying and lamenting. May G-d hear our prayers, all of them. Amen.

Psalm 150

Psalm 150 (NRSV)

1 Praise the Lord!
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty firmament!
2 Praise him for his mighty deeds;
praise him according to his surpassing greatness!

3 Praise him with trumpet sound;
praise him with lute and harp!
4 Praise him with tambourine and dance;
praise him with strings and pipe!
5 Praise him with clanging cymbals;
praise him with loud clashing cymbals!
6 Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!

 

Pray…

from the BAS: Maker of the universe, Source of all life, give us grace to serve you with our whole heart, that we may faithfully perform your will and joyfully participate in your creation, to the praise and glory of your name, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

 

Listen…

Respect (Psalm 141 & 142)

“Let not the oil of the unrighteous anoint my head” (Ps. 141:5b)

Hmmm… That verse hit home today. How much do I desire to have recognition from others? To be respected? To have others appreciate the work I do?! I am much better at not caring generally what others think of me, in terms of my personality. I have come finally in middle-age to realise this is who I am and there is little I can do to change that! But I still hope for respect from others.

Some of this is because I try and respect other people, even when I disagree with them. I think especially in a polarized world, as someone who believes that we are ALL made in the image of G-d, I had better show respect to others. That doesn’t mean always agreeing with them, or aquiescing to their point of view. But it does mean always treating them as worth something in G-d’s eyes. (That is my Quaker heritage – everyone has an inner light. You need to look for it and respond to it. But Quakers are also pretty proactive at working for change and fighting injustice!)

So I want for others to respect me. But if that becomes a primary motivation for what I do, then I have forgotten what is at the core, I have gotten caught “in the snare which they have laid for me.” My worth does not come from others. My worth comes from G-d. May I remember that this day as I go about my work.

And just for fun – cos I need something upbeat as I get back to the emails…

Psalms 141 & 142

Psalm 141 (NRSV)

1 I call upon you, O Lord; come quickly to me;
give ear to my voice when I call to you.
2 Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,
and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice.

3 Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;
keep watch over the door of my lips.
4 Do not turn my heart to any evil,
to busy myself with wicked deeds
in company with those who work iniquity;
do not let me eat of their delicacies.

5 Let the righteous strike me;
let the faithful correct me.
Never let the oil of the wicked anoint my head,
for my prayer is continually against their wicked deeds.
6 When they are given over to those who shall condemn them,
then they shall learn that my words were pleasant.
7 Like a rock that one breaks apart and shatters on the land,
so shall their bones be strewn at the mouth of Sheol.

8 But my eyes are turned towards you, O God, my Lord;
in you I seek refuge; do not leave me defenceless.
9 Keep me from the trap that they have laid for me,
and from the snares of evildoers.
10 Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
while I alone escape.

Psalm 142

1 With my voice I cry to the Lord;
with my voice I make supplication to the Lord.
2 I pour out my complaint before him;
I tell my trouble before him.
3 When my spirit is faint,
you know my way.

In the path where I walk
they have hidden a trap for me.
4 Look on my right hand and see—
there is no one who takes notice of me;
no refuge remains to me;
no one cares for me.

5 I cry to you, O Lord;
I say, ‘You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living.’
6 Give heed to my cry,
for I am brought very low.

Save me from my persecutors,
for they are too strong for me.
7 Bring me out of prison,
so that I may give thanks to your name.
The righteous will surround me,
for you will deal bountifully with me.

 

Pray…

from the BAS: God our consoler and redeemer, save your people coerced and made captive by the powers of evil, and bring us into the way of freedom and liberty prepared by the sacrifice of your Son our Saviour Jesus Christ.

 

Listen…

Telling truth (Psalm 137)

This was the psalm I had found myself quoting in conversation that prompted the decision to pray through some of the psalms – verse 4 “How shall we sing the Lord’s song in an alien land?” I know we are not actually on foreign land, but it kinda feels like it with everything uprooted and changed and off-limits.

But it wasn’t verse 4 that hit me this morning. Instead, it was it was the realisation that in the psalm it is the enemies who ask for the people to sing a song, who “called for mirth”. Yet I think in our society we internalise that, and apply the pressure to ourselves. Find something positive. Be grateful. And I am not knocking either of those things – they can be helpful. But we need to also tell truth. It’s like forgiveness – we can only forgive once we have acknowledged something was done wrong. We have to tell the truth about what happened, for ourselves as much as for anyone else. There’s an old gospel song used in the civil rights movement in the US “Keep Your Eyes on the Prize”, which says:

“The only thing we did was wrong was stayin’ in the wilderness too long…               The only thing we did was right was the day we started to fight…”

Yeah. We need to tell the truth or we risk settling for how things are currently and not changing anything. That applies to the pandemic, to racism and violence, to our most intimate relationships… all of it. Hard. But necessary.

 

 

(And a brief note about the ending – where the psalmist says “Happy shall be the one who takes your little ones and dashes them against the rock.” Ouch. I like to think I don’t wish such dreadful things on anyone. But it occurs to me this morning that I regularly wish for terrible things to happen to the people who mouth off the most obvious awful cliches… so they can experience and know what is so harmful about the stuff they say. It would be for their own good! But I still wish for awful things to happen. Hmmm….)

Psalm 137

Psalm 137 (NRSV)

1 By the rivers of Babylon—
there we sat down and there we wept
when we remembered Zion.
2 On the willows there
we hung up our harps.
3 For there our captors
asked us for songs,
and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying,
‘Sing us one of the songs of Zion!’

4 How could we sing the Lord’s song
in a foreign land?
5 If I forget you, O Jerusalem,
let my right hand wither!
6 Let my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth,
if I do not remember you,
if I do not set Jerusalem
above my highest joy.

7 Remember, O Lord, against the Edomites
the day of Jerusalem’s fall,
how they said, ‘Tear it down! Tear it down!
Down to its foundations!’
8 O daughter Babylon, you devastator!
Happy shall they be who pay you back
what you have done to us!
9 Happy shall they be who take your little ones
and dash them against the rock!

 

Pray…

from the BAS: God of courage and compassion, comfort the exiled and oppressed, strengthen the faith of your people, and bring us all to our true home, the kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

 

Listen…

A sparrow, lonely on a house-top (Psalm 102)

“I have become like a vulture in the wilderness, like an owl among the ruins… I am like a sparrow, lonely on a house-top” (verse 6, 7b)

One of the things I am lamenting is the loss of the Ministry Centre at Renison where I am based as campus chaplain. The Ministry Centre was a place of hospitality, where anyone could grab a hot drink and a cookie, where people who didn’t otherwise know each other intersected and formed community. Custodial staff chatted with faculty. Students in a whole variety of programs got to know each other. And I was lucky enough to have my office in the midst of all of that – and I LOVED it!

But it is unlikely that version of the Ministry Centre can return as we gradually open up. No shared food or drink is allowed. No hanging out for prolonged periods in an enclosed space. And the room itself is only big enough for three people to observe safe distancing.

So I mourn. I know that the Ministry Centre was often a safe space – for people with (invisible) disabilities; for folks who felt isolated; for marginalised people; for 2SLGBTQ+ folk; for BIPOC staff and students. We worked at that, Marilyn and I. Worked at listening, affirming, lifting up the voices that might otherwise be unheard. We were not perfect by any means! I am not trying to claim we somehow had it all figured out as benevolent white women. But I think sometimes the space really truly worked and helped change hearts and lift up voices and bring in a little of G-d’s reign on earth.

Now I am not sure how to support that work, create that space. Working from my home, on a computer all day. Online and social media can only do so much. It feels a lot like ‘virtue signalling’. I am trying to pay attention to the voices that gently remind me I need to take a public stand (thanks Marita!) But it also feels like either I speak into an echo chamber, or I increase polarization. One of the most powerful things about the Ministry Centre was the change that happened in people when they were face to face with other individuals and really heard their story. How to do that online?

Without the Ministry Centre I feel like a sparrow, lonely on a housetop. I know there are actually a million other sparrows. But I can’t always see or hear them.

But the psalm also reminds me that G-d is in charge. G-d who created the world will continue even when creation (including me) ceases to exist. G-d is bigger than even this pandemic, bigger than my grief at the loss of the Ministry Centre.

So pray and listen. For there will be a way forward, a path to be taken. And I trust that in the praying of this psalm, in the lament, there are other sparrows who are also singing. Maybe if I listen closely I will hear them…

Psalm 102

Psalm 102 (NRSV)
Prayer to the Eternal King for Help
A prayer of one afflicted, when faint and pleading before the Lord.

1 Hear my prayer, O Lord;
let my cry come to you.
2 Do not hide your face from me
on the day of my distress.
Incline your ear to me;
answer me speedily on the day when I call.

3 For my days pass away like smoke,
and my bones burn like a furnace.
4 My heart is stricken and withered like grass;
I am too wasted to eat my bread.
5 Because of my loud groaning
my bones cling to my skin.
6 I am like an owl of the wilderness,
like a little owl of the waste places.
7 I lie awake;
I am like a lonely bird on the housetop.
8 All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who deride me use my name for a curse.
9 For I eat ashes like bread,
and mingle tears with my drink,
10 because of your indignation and anger;
for you have lifted me up and thrown me aside.
11 My days are like an evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.

12 But you, O Lord, are enthroned for ever;
your name endures to all generations.
13 You will rise up and have compassion on Zion,
for it is time to favour it;
the appointed time has come.
14 For your servants hold its stones dear,
and have pity on its dust.
15 The nations will fear the name of the Lord,
and all the kings of the earth your glory.
16 For the Lord will build up Zion;
he will appear in his glory.
17 He will regard the prayer of the destitute,
and will not despise their prayer.

18 Let this be recorded for a generation to come,
so that a people yet unborn may praise the Lord:
19 that he looked down from his holy height,
from heaven the Lord looked at the earth,
20 to hear the groans of the prisoners,
to set free those who were doomed to die;
21 so that the name of the Lord may be declared in Zion,
and his praise in Jerusalem,
22 when peoples gather together,
and kingdoms, to worship the Lord.

23 He has broken my strength in mid-course;
he has shortened my days.
24 ‘O my God,’ I say, ‘do not take me away
at the mid-point of my life,
you whose years endure
throughout all generations.’

25 Long ago you laid the foundation of the earth,
and the heavens are the work of your hands.
26 They will perish, but you endure;
they will all wear out like a garment.
You change them like clothing, and they pass away;
27 but you are the same, and your years have no end.
28 The children of your servants shall live secure;
their offspring shall be established in your presence.

 

Pray…

from the BAS: God of unchanging mercy, look with compassion upon all who-suffer: the sick and the friendless, the homeless and the captive, the weary and the depressed. Be present to them in the power of your healing love; give them health, comfort, and hope; and bring them to share in the life of your risen Son, our Saviour Jesus Christ.

 

Listen…

Psalm 90

Oh echoes of Ecclesiastes here! We are but grass, our lives are fleeting. Yet G-d has been there from generation to generation, before and after our lives, setting them as part of a larger narrative.

When I was in my first parish, an older woman had gone through a time of terrible losses. We talked about how difficult that grief had been, and how hopeless she had felt. I asked what had helped? She said that one night she had gone outside, and looked up at the sky. It was a stunningly clear night, and the darkness above her was filled with stars. “And then I saw that what happened to me, to the people I had loved, was a small part of something so much bigger. And I knew I could keep going.”

“So teach us to number our days that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” (v. 12)

 

 

 

Psalm 90

Psalm 90 (NRSV)
A Prayer of Moses, the man of God.

1 Lord, you have been our dwelling-place
in all generations.
2 Before the mountains were brought forth,
or ever you had formed the earth and the world,
from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

3 You turn us back to dust,
and say, ‘Turn back, you mortals.’
4 For a thousand years in your sight
are like yesterday when it is past,
or like a watch in the night.

5 You sweep them away; they are like a dream,
like grass that is renewed in the morning;
6 in the morning it flourishes and is renewed;
in the evening it fades and withers.

7 For we are consumed by your anger;
by your wrath we are overwhelmed.
8 You have set our iniquities before you,
our secret sins in the light of your countenance.

9 For all our days pass away under your wrath;
our years come to an end like a sigh.
10 The days of our life are seventy years,
or perhaps eighty, if we are strong;
even then their span is only toil and trouble;
they are soon gone, and we fly away.

11 Who considers the power of your anger?
Your wrath is as great as the fear that is due to you.
12 So teach us to count our days
that we may gain a wise heart.

13 Turn, O Lord! How long?
Have compassion on your servants!
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
and for as many years as we have seen evil.
16 Let your work be manifest to your servants,
and your glorious power to their children.
17 Let the favour of the Lord our God be upon us,
and prosper for us the work of our hands—
O prosper the work of our hands!

 

Pray…

from the BAS: Eternal Father of our mortal race, in Jesus Christ your grace has come upon us. For his sake, prosper the work of our hands until he returns to gladden our hearts forever.
Listen…